My Personals

As stated on many of my various online profiles, I am single and available. In fact, and I am ashamed to admit this, I have turned down two outright proposals and one assumption of marriage. I often look back at those choices with some regret. I turned them all down, in part, because none of them lived up to the standards that I look for in a woman.

So what standards are these? Well, physical appearance aside, I prefer a woman with a high moral standard and great intelligence. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and seek a woman with that same level of moral conviction. In other words, I want a woman who is smart, honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and of good report. Whether you are religious or not, if you live up to those moral standards, you have the traits I want in a wife.

I do tend to look toward certain physical traits as well, though not for the same reasons as other men. When I look at a woman, I do not often think of the pure erotic traits you may have, but rather which physical traits I think may be beneficial to my children, traits I would hope are strong enough to cancel out my physical blemishes. I know what it is like to be a lanky skin and bones so I tend to look at women with somewhat more substance. In other words, I’m more attracted to women like ‘Skipper’ than women like ‘Barbie’.

But, more important to me than eye candy, is brains. I am far more attracted to women I can share hours of intelligent conversation with regardless of the topic than gorgeous women who are only good for looks. Besides, when we’re grown old and decrepit we won’t be showing each other off on the beach or at the mall, we’ll be sitting in the swing on the porch enjoying the [our] twilight. How boring would that be without something to do.

I guess I sound picky and this page may seem the most intimidating than any of my others, but I’m not really. Though I prefer morals and brains, each woman is different and can contribute more through her individualism than any of the base stereotypes I’ve mentioned on this page.

To tell you the truth, I’d prefer an arranged marriage where we would get to spend the rest of our lives getting to know and adapt to one another. I think it’s a shame that no one offers mail-order spouses anymore. I am after-all, getting too old to just flash my smile at a girl and get an instant response.

Anyway, this page wasn’t designed to catch a wife. Nor was it an expression of self pity for not having one-or even a girlfriend. Instead I wrote this page (the same as all my other pages) to help everybody understand me as an individual. So that you know what makes me tick, or why I tick the way I do. Originally it was a joke page; I thought it would be kind of fun to see the responses to ads with titles like: Baby Factory Wanted.

So, take a look, have a laugh, send me any comments you might have. Hey, if anything here helps to break the ice and we end up in love, how bad could it be?

Love always,

Post Script: I like the coauthor one the best. It may be my most honest ad. 😉

Free to Good Home

1 house-trained, multi-use man. 5 foot 9 inches tall. Cute and lovable. 140-ish lbs. Soft and cuddly. Great for Breeding! Other useful benefits include comforting companionship, repair/handyman, and full-length bed warmer to name a few. Added pluses: Friendly, wonderful with kids, and always puts the seat down.
If interested, e-mail me.
*One time offer for single woman only. No “old-maidens” or “old-hags” please. Non-Christian homes need not inquire. Click here for more details.

Baby Factory Wanted
Building specifications must include: Long dark roof; Big brown look-outs; Hour glass construction (consistent with precursor factories); Soft smooth texture; Intelligent office management.
If interested, e-mail me.
*No external paint please. Establishment dates 2005 through 2009 preferred.  Dedicated lifetime and eternal contract required. Factory must value supplier greater than product. Click here for more details.

SWM seeking SF

40 year old, 5 foot 9 inch tall, 140 pound single white male with hazel eyes, shaven head, and reddish beard seeks young, old fashioned Christian woman for lifelong family rearing and eternal marriage.
If interested, e-mail me.
*Women born between 2005 and 2009 preferred. LDS values and standards required. Must value marriage greater than parenthood. Click here for more details.

Man seeking Woman

Three qualities in a sweetie that make me swoon: 1. intelligent women who can prove it through conversation and attitude; 2. huge smiles that seem to encompass the world; 2. eyes that say “I’m interested!” I want a girl who is interested in me, loves to talk and listen, and who has eyes that only a daddy’s girl can use. She must be young and fresh and have great aspirations of eternal family rearing and unity, and love cats.
If interested, e-mail me.
*No “old-maidens” or “old-hags” please. LDS values and standards required. Must value eternal marriage greater than temporal parenthood. Click here for more details.

Coauthor Wanted

Aspiring novelist looking for a female companion to help finish real life story. No experience needed. Must be willing to assist on all decision making and, when occasion calls for it, take matters into your own hands as you see fit. Fundamental responsibilities may include, but are not limited to, shopping, picnicking in the park, participating in romantic activities, taking regular exotic vacations to [insert your choice destination here], providing provocative solutions to various plot twists and story developments, and creating minor characters. 😉
If interested, e-mail me.
*Dedicated lifetime and eternal contract available. “Old-maidens” or “old-hags” need not apply. Must value partner greater than company. Click here for more details.