Fear Factor

Tonight my favorite cutie on Couples Fear Factor was sent home with her pathetic partner. I’ve been rooting for them all along because she was the cutest, nicest, and hottest girl on the show. Like the rest of America, I didn’t like the idiotic dumb-ass that was with her. I can’t remember if she was married to the guy or not, but I really think that she deserves better. They could have left that show a whole lot richer if he had just kept his mouth shut. If fact if he hadn’t egged that other dip-shit on, they wouldn’t have gotten picked on and singled out so much. They could have and most likely would have won the show. I was rooting for her, but he just screwed it up bad.

She is such a total babe and a wonderful woman. I’d do anything for a girl like her. For that guy to treat her that way, regardless of whether or not he was on national television, was wrong and uncalled for. I wanted to pound his face in and rip his balls off. No girl should ever be treated that way by a lover. I really hope she leaves him.

Law and Order

Since coming to Sick City, Idaho, I’ve been watching television. I don’t care much for television. Nowadays it seems there are only two types of programs. If the program isn’t saturated with adultery, it is saturated with government propaganda. Often, the shows display more than a little of both.

I appreciate the intricacy of dialog, plot and story development in shows like the Law & Orders, the CSIs, and Without a Trace. I am, however, appalled at the blatant disregard for real law and order in these shows.

In every episode there are numerous violations of Due Process. Warrants are issued without conviction. Indictments are used. Arrests are made before trials. Suspects and witnesses alike are harassed, intimidated, coerced, and often physically abused. Investigators trespass in citizens homes and violate property rights. And the list goes on. All in the name of entertainment.

I am also angered by the reception of these shows. The fact that people all over the world are watching these programs and accepting them as accurate representation of the American legal system infuriates me. People watch these shows and believe that’s how law and order works.

Where these shows may be accurate representation of the legal systems in countries such as Great Brittan and Cuba, they do not accurately represent the American legal system.

The American legal system is based on the due process of law under the assumption of innocence until proven guilty. Due Process demands that before a warrant be issued or an arrest be made a court order or conviction must be declared. It also demands that before a court order or conviction can be declared, the defendant has the right to face his accusers and defend himself.

These television programs conveniently forget this despite the readily available legal resources free for anybody to research. I fail to believe these television shows would lose a speck of entertainment value if they represented the real legal system. It is a travesty that the producers and writers are so unimaginative that they choose to deface and misrepresent the most perfect legal system in the world.

It sure is convenient for all those real life police, investigators, attorneys, prosecutors, and other agents of government who can now get away with such crimes. Ah, ignorance is bliss for them now, isn’t it?

Commercial Babes

I’ve been watching a lot of television lately since I came to Sick City, Idaho. There’s sure a lot of cute girls on the ole boob-tube. I especially like girls on commercials. I call them commercial babes.

First, I would like to mention that sexy vixen on a State Farm Insurance ad. You know the one where the girl’s trying to get out of a parallel parking spot and hits both the car in front and behind her? That chic is so hot.

She’s an oldy, but a cutie. That girl on the KY ad. You know, the one that says “That’ll work”.

How about those girls on that birth control ad. I hate that ad. Those sweeties are gorgeous, but they’re advertising birth control. To me, that completely contradicts the point of being a beautiful woman. They are babes though.

Those Burger King commercial’s with the business people sport a hottie. Not the black lady who’s man enough to order the Angus something sandwich, but the sexy one who’s always in the background. She’s the only girl in the one where the boss has to fire one of them.

And I love that ad for Dodge Caravan. Another oldy, but cutie. “Daddy just had to get a motorcycle. Didn’t he?

There’s also that AOL ad with all those people asking for disaster with their computers. I like the one with the girl sitting in front of the window. It’s just a quick shot and she doesn’t say anything. She’s just sitting there looking pretty. And pretty she is.

My favorite woman is the girl who checks her armpits to see if they’re soft. I can’t remember what it’s advertising- women’s razor or something. I could fall in love with that perfect beauty.

Stuck in Sick

Well, it appears I’m stranded here in Sick City, Idaho. I was supposed to go back to St. George, Utah back on the 28th of December. I decided to stay because my moms husband, a good friend of mine, asked if I would help him on a job. I don’t regret telling him I would help him, but I am disappointed that we haven’t even started yet. We were supposed to do it during the week before Christmas. So I missed my ride back to Satan George, Utah.

Desperate for a Change

I really don’t like being in Sick City, Idaho. But, I don’t know what to do. Here are some of my choices:

1. Move back to St. George, Utah

Good Points

  1. Familiar Place
  2. Friends and associates
  3. Write full-time
  4. Lots of other work
  5. Pretty girls
  6. Temple
  7. Summer

    Bad Points

    1. The wind
    2. LDS hypocrisy
    3. Socialist State
    4. Girls are stuck-up and rude

    2. Stay in Sick City, Idaho

    Good Points

    1. In the Idaho Republic
    2. Have a place to stay
    3. Write part-time

      Bad Points

      1. LDS hypocrisy
      2. Winter
      3. No girls

        3. Move to Rexburg, Idaho

        Good Points

        1. Familiar Place
        2. In the Idaho Republic
        3. Friendly people
        4. Pettiest girls in the world
        5. Friendliest girls in the world
        6. New temple

          Bad Points

          1. Winter
          2. No work

          4. Move to Los Angeles, California

          Good Points

          1. Beautiful city
          2. Acting opportunities
          3. Friendly people

            Bad Points

            1. No contacts
            2. Noplace to live


            As you already know, several years ago I fell in love with the most perfect woman in the world. At the time, we became very close friends. There were tickle fights, comfortable cuddles, staring contests, board games and car rides. We had great times together. Nothing but, as a matter of fact. We were a team, noticed by everyone.

            Then one day it changed. Without warning she began to avoid me like the plague. I was devastated and crushed to say the least. I had no idea why she stopped treating me as nice as she once had. We had been great together for so long, I didn’t know what was going on or what to do about it. I consulted my sister on the issue and even she didn’t know what was going on.

            I decided to wait it out and give her the space that she seemed to need.

            I wish I hadn’t done that. I feel like it was that choice that lead to our downfall. I have often regretted that decision since she told me off (in no uncertain terms) four years ago. I felt like an idiot to have goofed up on such a no-brainer. She was the only woman I have ever been in love with. She still is. I mean I never even looked at another girl. Our destiny together was such a forgone conclusion to me that I never doubted we would be together.

            I know now what a stupid choice I made. I have no doubt that had I not backed off, no matter how confused I was, I would be married to her this very day. I would have married her two years ago, instead of the other guy.

            To make matters worse she even said as much when she finally told me off (you know, I don’t love you, maybe once, but not now, bla, bla, bla, Dear John type stuff). And she wrote something to me then that confused me even more and I never understood it. She admitted to having a crush on me once and mentioned that time period that everything had changed. I never understood that statement. I figured she must have made a mistake. It was obvious to me that it was at that time that she stopped liking me. After all, you don’t avoid the one your in love with.

            Or do you?

            I was watching Clueless last night. I had never seen it. I had always wanted to, but for some reason I never got the opportunity. Which is interesting to me considering I have always been a fan and enjoyed Alicia Silverstone.

            The movie wasn’t as good as I had hoped, but it did deliver a lesson I wish I had learned ten years ago. In the movie Alicia’s character has a goofy, annoying yet cute relationship with her older step-brother, Josh. The movie comes from her perspective and although it’s clear she’s not attracted to him it is also clear she enjoys the relationship. I didn’t pay too much attention to the relationship because I didn’t think that was what the movie was about.

            Nor did I associate their relationship with mine. There was no reason to. Where theirs was more of an annoying, love-to-hate type, mine had been the cute, pure love type.

            Then the movie turned over a new light and Alicia’s character realized she was in love with Josh. At the point in the movie that it happened, it had become predictable. What I was not prepared for, however, was how she reacted.

            She didn’t know how to act. That next shot with her sitting rigid and almost scared, but certainly uncomfortable on the couch next to Josh hit me like a load of bricks. She started to avoid him because she didn’t know how to act around him now that she was in love with him. What was once comfortable for her had now became confusing.

            Alicia’s character displays in that movie the exact same characteristics that ‘Beautiful’ did toward me all those years ago. Of corse she could have had a crush on me then. Everything before that was, to her, just a great friendship. Then, she realizes she’s in love with me and doesn’t know how to act with me. I was clueless.

            It makes my mistake seem so much more gross now. As if I didn’t carry enough blame already.

            Discouraging Career Choice

            I got this laptop to finish writing my books. It was meant to be my ‘ticket to the future’. Too bad I’m too discouraged about writing in this day-in-age. I mean what’s the point? The day of the second coming of Jesus Christ is here. We don’t know what hour he will come, but we do know it’s coming, and soon.

            What purpose would it be for me to spend so much time struggling to achieve my (second) greatest dream. To be a published story writer. A novelist. A best-selling author. With the second coming afoot, it will never happen no matter how hard I work, God’s plans don’t include me achieving materialistic temporal dreams.

            Even if I did have time to finish my plans, who’s going to be interested in reading them in the new millennium? Life is going to be perfect for those who survive or are resurrected. Their not going to waste time reading my stories. They’ll be doing God’s work in the temple and reading righteous, glory-to-god books, like scriptural stories. Not one person will be interested in fictional stories like the ones I write.

            It seems like such a waste of time to put so much effort into something that just wont last, or be worth anything in the future. Every time I think about doing some writing, I’m reminded of the time it takes and the time I have. The second coming signs have already started and I know that not one generation will pass from the first sign and Jesus’s arrival. That’s a twenty-five year or so time limit. And a lot of things still have to happen. Earthquakes and a lot of death and destruction.

            My stories just don’t serve God’s purpose. Who would read them if they did?

            Sleepless in Seattle

            Well, I’m back in Sick, Idaho. I got back Friday in time for New Years. I have gotten some good sleep now that I’m back in my own bed, or sleeping bag as the case is.

            Yesterday, I watched Sleepless in Seattle. I find it quite humorous that I’m going through the same pain over ‘beautiful’ that Tom Hank’s character does over the dead wife. There have been a bunch of great lines that have really struck me. For instance, radio doc says people who love once have a greater chance of loving again. Very interesting. I wonder who came up with that line and whether it has a foundation in reality.

            I don’t watch too much movies staring Meg Ryan anymore. Yesterday I saw three in a row. She reminds me too much of ‘Beautiful’ (I know, the names not very original – maybe that was the problem). So does Jennifer Aniston and Elizabeth Mitchell. Elizabeth Mitchell more so, she’s got to be the best look-a-like. So you know how attractive she is.

            Here’s a line I thought was great: “That’s your problem, you don’t want to be in love, you want to be in love in a movie.” Thing is, I feel like I’m in love in a movie. The problem with being in love in a movie is that I’m the guy who loves the girl but never gets her. In Sleepless in Seattle, I’m Bill Pullman. The supporting actor. The loser. The comic relief. And what I fool I was.

            I often ask myself why I was ever in live with this woman anyway. She never did have any of the physical attributes I look for in a girl. I mean, Meg Ryan, Jennifer Aniston, and Elizabeth Mitchell look a lot like her, but I thought I was (am) more attracted to girls who look like Emma Watson, Emily Browning, Alyssa Malono, Minnie Driver, Marisa Torme, Jill Hennessy, Jennifer Lopez, Sandra Bullock, Rachel Weisz, Emma Watson, Catherine Zeta Jones, Phoebe Cates, Mariska Hargitay, Katie Holmes, Kristin Davis, Michelle Kwan, Katie Couric, Mandy Moore, Angie Harmon, and Emma Watson. Just to name a few.

            Yet I am obsessed with her. Arggg! I wish I could forget about her. Writing about it helps. I used to keep a journal in which I detailed day to day events concerning us and how I was thinking of her. It was just my journal, but I wrote a lot about her. I burned them all a few years ago. One of my only regrets. It was a really awesome bonfire though.

            Why didn’t I fall in love with her little sister? Now she’s a beauty! While she was growing up she was the spit’n image of Catherine Zeta Jones. She was always better looking. Gorgeous. I’ll bet she wouldn’t have turned me down. Why couldn’t I have fallen in love with any other girl period!? Well, according to Sleepless in Seattle, I still may.

            Any girl out there interested?

            Webpage Update

            I made some changes to my website. I added a work-in-progress moral beliefs page, updated my personals page and the tax forms page, deleted my needs page, and rewrote the index/about me page. I also took my ‘armed robbery’ banner off all my numbered pages and moved it the bottom of the index page.

            You can see the new pages here:





            It’s all self contained now too, meaning all pictures and files I use in the code is located on the same server as the page. Before only some of the files were with the geocities server and none were with 100free server.

            Thank Goodness for Little Girls

            I love little girls. There the best. I wish I had a dozen of them. I do, in fact, have five nieces that I love and who seem to love me back. It’s a great time when I’m with them. I have a lot of fun and I hope they do to. I like to be their personal jungle-gym or monkey bars. I love the way little girls giggle and play. And smile and laugh. I love how they’re small and ticklely. And soft and cuddlely. Loving and trusting. Happy and energetic. Little girls are the best. Let me have a dozen of them. Give me another two dozen.

            Special thanks to all the little girls who have touched my heart throughout my life. There’s been Lydia, Michael, Elizabeth, Rachel, Miriam, Debby, Janae, Ada, Darla, Hanna, Jesse, Melissa, Keora, Delcie, Tishel, Ellise, Hope, Tamyra, Sarah, Shirly, April, Jessica, Sara, Rachael, and Krista.