Star Wars

When I first started this fan page, I imagined having a comprehensive list of movies and book of the Star Wars franchise, complete with my own reviews. Being a child of the eighties, I am a big Star Wars fan. That is until the shattering disappoint of the third installment of the Star Wars Prequel. I wish I had never seen that movie. After waiting nearly thirty years for it… to say it sucked is a royal understatement. Anyway, I’ve lost all interest, so what you see on this page is all you ever will see on this page. Someday, I’ll just take it down completely.

 

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

Drama and Science Fiction/Fantasy 2 hrs. 11 min.

Release Date: May 19, 1999

MPAA Rating: PG for sci-fi action/violence.

Starring: Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Ian McDiarmid, Jake Lloyd

Directed by: George Lucas

Produced by: Rick McCallum, George Lucas

When this movie came out, it was my instant favorite. It was so superior to previous Star Wars movies. For starters, it had semblances of a story, plot and character development, concepts that were lacking from the original trilogy.

There were, however, still some major flaws. It did have some bad acting namely the boy who played Anikin (making him a close second to Harrison Fords award-winning bad performance in the saga). The new Yoda just plain sucked. And, of course, my biggest pet-peeve, the references to the republic as a democracy. How stupid do you have to be to assume that a republic and a democracy is the same thing? They’re two completely different words, let alone systems of government. Lucas is truly an idiot.

And what the hell was he thinking by putting those dumb-ass robots (C3PO, R2D2) in the prequel? They totally upstaged one of the best new characters in the saga, Jar Jar Binks. Everybody hated Jar Jar, though none of them could give a legitimate reason why. Me’sa like’sa Jar Jar Bink’sa. The sole reason he wasn’t accepted wasn’t because he was annoying (after all, the droids R2D2 and C3PO were always just as annoying in the original trilogy), but because the audience were given a choice. You just can’t have two separate comic reliefs. Especially when one them is already beloved.

Don’t get me wrong, I like the R2D2/C3PO combo, I just think they didn’t belong in the prequel. Had they not been, Jar Jar and other fresh characters could have been more developed.

It’s always easier to pick out what I don’t like in these movies. Keep in mind, however, that if I don’t mention it, I liked it. This movie was, after all, my favorite of the saga. Well, at the time it came out anyway.

Summary: Naboo, a peaceful planet governed by the young Queen Amidala (Natalie Portman), is being threatened by the corrupt Trade Federation, puppets of an evil Sith lord and his terrifying apprentice, Darth Maul (Ray Park). The seemingly benevolent Senator Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid) is chief adviser to the queen. Jedi knights Qui-Gon Jinn (Liam Neeson) and Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) are called on to intervene in the trade disputes. Along the way, they acquire an apprentice of their own named Anakin Skywalker (Jake Lloyd). When the Trade Federation launches an attack on Naboo, the queen and her allies must battle hordes of robot troopers while Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan face off against the sinister Darth Maul.

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Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Science Fiction/Fantasy 2 hrs. 22 min.

Release Date: May 16th, 2002.

MPAA Rating: PG for sustained sequences of sci-fi action/violence.

Starring: Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Hayden Christensen, Christopher Lee, Frank Oz

Directed by: George Lucas

Produced by: Rick McCallum

Attack of the Clones! Need I say more? The best movie in the saga. Yoda kicked ASS! My instant favorite. When this movie came out, it was like “to hell with Phantom Menace!”

The digital Yoda was a highlight, soooooo much better than the puppet from menace.

Hmmm, let me think what didn’t I like from this movie? Some of the casting sucked, like Jango Fett and the faggot who played in the Showtime version of Lolita. Oh, and the cameo by “Rubberman” the star of Spiderman. Rubberman isn’t actually a person, but a concept. You know in Spiderman when Spidy’s arms and legs and body would bend and bow in physically impossible ways as if he were made of rubber? Well, that’s what I mean. In Attack of the Clones, they used Rubberman to fill in for Jango Fett when he captures Anikin and Senator Armadillo.

And I think everybody will agree, they went a little over the top with the amount of stupid puns C3PO used throughout the movie.

Everything else was just to awesome to complain about.

Summary: Ten years after the events of THE PHANTOM MENACE, not only has the galaxy undergone significant change, but so have our familiar heroes Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor), Padmé Amidala (Natalie Portman) and Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) as they are thrown together again for the first time since the Trade Federation invasion of Naboo. Anakin has grown into the accomplished Jedi apprentice of Obi-Wan, who himself has transitioned from student to teacher. The two Jedi are assigned to protect Padmé whose life is threatened by a faction of political separatists.

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Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Action/Adventure and Science Fiction/Fantasy

Release Date: May 19th, 2005.

MPAA Rating: PG-13 (presumably)

Starring: Ewan McGregor, Hayden Christensen, Natalie Portman, Ian McDiarmid, Samuel L. Jackson

Directed by: George Lucas

Produced by: Rick McCallum

This was the worst movie ever made. I consider it a huge waste of money. The most eagerly anticipated movie in like thirty years, and it was the most pathetic ever made. I would have felt better about this movie if I had been paid per minute, triple digits to the left of the decimal, to watch it.

If you liked episodes 1 and 2, just skip this one and go straight to 4, 5, and 6. You won’t miss a thing, except your utter disappointment. I will NOT be including this movie as part of my personal collection. I shouldn’t have even included it on this page. It’s not even worthy of it’s Star Wars title.

Summary: Anny gets burned then placed in Darth Vadar suit, Queen Armadillo dies giving birth to Luke and Leia.

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Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

Action/Adventure, Science Fiction/Fantasy and Thriller 1 hr. 45 min.

Release Date: May 25, 1977.

MPAA Rating: PG for sci-fi violence and brief mild language.

Starring: Alec Guinness, Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, Peter Cushing

Directed by: George Lucas

Produced by: Gary Kurtz

Summary: Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill), an impulsive but goodhearted young man who lives on the dusty planet of Tatooine with his aunt and uncle, longs for the exciting life of a Rebel soldier. The Rebels, led by the headstrong Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher), are fighting against the evil Empire, which has set about destroying planets inhabited by innocent citizens with the Death Star, a fearsome planetlike craft commanded by Grand Moff Tarkin (Peter Cushing) and the eternally frightful Darth Vader (David Prowse, with the voice of James Earl Jones). When Luke’s aunt and uncle are murdered by the Empire’s imperial stormtroopers and he mysteriously finds a distress message from Princess Leia in one of his androids, R2-D2 (Kenny Baker), he must set out to find Obi-Wan Kenobi (Alec Guinness), a mysterious old hermit with incredible powers. On his journey, Luke is aided by the roguish, sarcastic mercenary Han Solo (Harrison Ford) and his towering furry sidekick Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew) as they run into a host of perilous situations while trying to rescue the princess–and the entire galaxy.

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Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Action/Adventure, Science Fiction/Fantasy and Thriller 2 hrs. 04 min.

Release Date: May 21, 1980.

MPAA Rating: PG for sci-fi action violence.

Starring: Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Billy Dee Williams, Anthony Daniels

Directed by: Irvin Kershner

Produced by: Gary Kurtz, George Lucas

Summary: Three years after A NEW HOPE, Imperial forces continue to pursue the Rebels. After the Rebellion’s defeat on the ice planet Hoth, Luke journeys to the planet Dagobah to train with Jedi Master Yoda, who has lived in hiding since the fall of the Republic. In an attempt to convert Luke to the dark side, Darth Vader lures young Skywalker into a trap in the Cloud City of Bespin.

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Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Action/Adventure and Science Fiction/Fantasy 2 hrs. 13 min.

Release Date: May 25, 1983.

MPAA Rating: PG for sci-fi action violence.

Starring: Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, Harrison Ford, Billy Dee Williams, Anthony Daniels

Directed by: Richard Marquand

Produced by: George Lucas, Howard G Kazanjian

Summary: In the epic conclusion of the Star Wars saga, the Empire prepares to crush the Rebellion with a more powerful Death Star while the Rebel fleet mounts a massive attack on the space station. Luke Skywalker confronts his father, Darth Vader, in a final climactic duel before the evil Emperor.

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The Ewok Adventure

Kids/Family

Release Date: 1984.

MPAA Rating: G

Starring: Warwick Davis, Aubree Miller, Eric Walker

Directed by: John Korty

Summary: Mace and his little sister, Cindel, befriend a magical Ewok and embark on a quest to find their missing parents in a journey that leads them into the most secret regions of Endor.

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Ewoks – The Battle for Endor

Kids/Family

Release Date: 1985.

MPAA Rating: Not Rated

Starring: Wilford Brimley, Warwick Davis, Aubree Miller, Sian Phillips

Directed by: Jim Wheat

Summary: After escaping the destruction of their village, two young Ewoks befriend an old space traveler living in the woods. When one of the youngsters is kidnapped, the others must free her and the other captured Ewoks to continue the furry little creatures’ Stone-Age battle for freedom.

 

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